The TV Watercooler

Big Brother 11 Preview

The day Big Brother fans have been waiting for all year has finally arrived — the eleventh edition of Big Brother premieres tonight!

Here’s a look at this season’s cast which will be divided into four cliques: Athletes, Populars, Brainiacs and Off-Beats…very high school. Well, high school wasn’t exactly “nice”, so I’ll be labeling them based on their appearance. 

First dude (douche) up is 28 year-old Braden from California who calls himself a fashion icon. Are you serious? With that jacket? Over that colour shirt? Braden is also an avid surfer but is afraid of drowning…sure like a firefighter afraid of fire. My favourite part of his bio is the piece about him designing his own jewelry. Nothing says ‘Surfer Dude’ like putting together your very own Seashell necklace. This guy says he plans on winning Big Brother by being two-faced…sure, everyone in the BB house is two-faced but that doesn’t mean you will win.

High School Label: Popular

Casey is this season’s “old man”…he’s a fifth grade teacher by day and a DJ by night…which is sorta cool, I guess…I’ve had teachers who had horrible second jobs (chefs, waiters, the devil). Anyway, Casey has taught at schools that are located in low-income areas for the past 15 years…how Dangerous Minds of him. Teacher is also a husband and dad. He’s got a wife at home and two sons – one’s 19 years old and the other is only nine months. He seems like the “funny” teacher who always cracks jokes about his wife…Casey says that if he wins, the money will end up in two places: with his wife and the IRS. 

High School Label: Teacher (Geek)

Chima‘s hot. 

Enough of my drooling…

Chima’s close to her parents: she has an ailing mother and has made peace with the fact that she’ll be taking care of her in the future. She’s also close with her stepfather, whom she insists is “the man who taught her how to ride a bike, swim and was always ready and willing to help her with her homework”. How cute, it’s always sweet when stepchildren rub it in their bio-daddy’s face. Chima’s a freelance journalist and is a military brat, so she has lived all over the U.S.

High School Label: Popular


Next up is Jeff, who is a single advertising exec. He’s interested in a showmance, just as long as she fits his standard…so Jeffy is looking to get laid. Jeff enjoys sports and the outdoors and has played football for Benedictine University – where? Sounds religious. 

High School Label: Jock

The  22 year-old Jordan wants you to know right off the bat that she WILL NOT be having sex on the show because her grandfather will be watching – sorry Jeff! The small town girl is worried that it will be difficult to be away from her family, whom she is very close with…but don’t let all this sappy and cautional stuff misinform you…our Jordan insists that she’s a “party girl who likes to hang out with her female friends”…hmmm, you know, there are a couple of girls like that on this season’s Real World: Cancun who ended up hooking up with each other!

High School Label: Popular

The scarved Kevin is this season’s token gay who grew up as a Johova’s Witness…an experience he recalls as “one of the most trying times of his life”. Kev could be funny…he calls himself “blackanese” in honor of his African-American and Japanese roots. He goes on to say that he can be ghetto, fabulous, inappropriate and down-right bitchy if need be.  Apart from the jackpot, his goal is that his parents, who he lost touch with, can see what their now-grown sound has accomplished. Damn! — Homeboy has got plenty of baggage.

High School Label: Freak

Laura is a bikini model who admits how attractive she is and “will use it to her every advantage.” I’m sold! Okay seriously now…she’s appeared in several tanning product ads which lead her to win the 2008 Planet Beach Title (pageant). Laura has promised to live in her bikini which will show off her tramp stamp. How classy. 

High School Label: Popular

Lydia says that she has been “up-close-and-personal” with fame because she used to be a nanny for a high profile couple…hmm a) I wonder who and b) how long before someone asks her if she banged “the dad”? She’s into body art and totally hates sports – sorry again, Jeff!

High School Label: Freak

Michele is like…totally educated, dude! She’s got a Ph.D. in Neuroscience – which is sorta huge deal…if your into that kind of stuff…you know: science, math, reading..ZzzZzz
Michele says that she’s addicted to news so she’ll wonder what she’ll do sans internet. My fav part of her bio is that she’s had trouble controlling her emotions in the past…am I evil for hoping that she completely unravels on live television?

High School Label: Geek

Okay so right from the get-go, Natalie would like to inform EVERYONE that she is one fiesta Latina and that NO ONE can intimidate her…you got that? Do y’all hear what she be sayin’? No no, Nat’s not ghetto…but she’ll kick your ass, so be careful! She’s a World Champion bronze medalist in Tae Kwon Do and is a confident poker player. She hails from Chino (just like Ryan from The O.C.!)…insert your Summer Roberts “Ew” here.

High School Label: Jock

Wow, that really does look like a high school photo doesn’t it? Ronnie is not only a nerd who collects Star Wars paraphernalia, but can also recite the order of every person evicted from the Big Brother house. So before you make fun of him…know this: he may spend six hours a day playing video games…but dude’s got wife, to whom he’s been married to for over five years…so yeah, looks like he’s got his life together.

High School Label: Geek

Russell‘s friends don’t really want him to have any fans eh? They call him “Russell the Lovemuscle”…like no. This information is completely unnecessary.  Rusty used to act before thinking while in college: he wanted to impress a group of girls bu
t ended up crashing his motorcycle. The accident left him temporarily paralyzed and it took six surgeries for him to fully recover.

High School Label: Jock


The Mystery HouseGuest

The final houseguest is supposed to be revealed during tonight’s premiere episode.  Among those speculated include returning houseguests: JanelleDan and even that gorilla Jesse! It could be anyone’s guess really…how about the Chenbot’s baby bump?

High School Label: The 13th houseguest is supposed to boost one clique’s advantage. How about Kaysar? He may have been a brainiac – but was one of the most popular contestants in BB history.

Shares:

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Captcha: * Time limit is exhausted. Please reload the CAPTCHA.